Disney Launches Streaming Service

Disney Launches Streaming Service


-Well, today, most of
the country was hit with snow, ice, and
record low temperatures. Yep, millions of Americans woke
up this morning like, “Damn, this promotion for
‘Frozen 2’ is nuts.” Yeah, almost 70% of the country
got hit with an arctic blast. You know it’s cold when they
start describing the weather with flavors of Dentyne gum. “Vanilla Frost is hitting
the Tri-State Area.” It was cold today. It was so cold,
President Trump stayed warm by burning copies
of Don Jr.’s new book. You know what I’m saying?
It was cold. -Wow, that’s cold. -It was so cold,
Mitch McConnell’s chins were chattering all day long. [ Chattering ] -Well… -It’s a good day to be inside,
because the new Disney streaming service
launched today. Yep, Disney+ is available, and it features almost
500 movies. 500 movies or, as
Samuel L. Jackson calls it, one year of work. That’s right — Disney+ started
streaming at 12:01 a.m. and suffered a few
technical problems. Yeah, when he heard about
streaming problems at midnight, Bernie Sanders was like,
“Been there, doing that.” But Disney+ is pretty amazing. It features all the movies from
Marvel, “Star Wars,” and Pixar. And just to compete
with Netflix, it also features
1,000 stand-up specials from Disney characters
you’ve never heard of. -Oh, wow. -Yeah, experts think Disney+ could be the biggest threat
to Netflix yet. Right now,
both streaming services are racing to see who can raise
the price a dollar each month without you noticing. Seriously, you can tell that
Netflix is worried. Instead of asking
“Are you still watching?”, now it says, “And where the hell
do you think you’re going?” But Disney+ has so much content
to choose from. Check this out.
Yeah, look at that. Disney, Pixar, Marvel,
“Star Wars,” and National Geographic. Everyone was like, “Wait. How did National Geographic
wind up sitting with all the cool kids?” It’s like a concert ad
that says, “Come see John, Paul, George,
and National Geographic.” Yeah, Disney officially launched
their new streaming service, Disney+, and just
a few weeks ago, Apple launched their streaming
service, Apple TV+. Yep, Disney+, Apple TV+.
It’s a lot to keep up with. So all the steaming services
joined together and put up this useful ad. Take a look at this. -The future of streaming
is here. And we’ve never had so many
great services to choose from. Now you can watch
Disney+ and Apple TV+. And now introducing
Amazon Prime++. That’s Amazon Prime, plus Hulu,
but not Hulu+. Got it? Good. And if streaming’s a must, forget the fuss
and sign up for HBO Now. The “H” stands for “plus.”
Try the bundle. Disappflix Prime+ for just 4,000 euros a month,
plus tax, plus shipping. Plus, now call for a free month. Dial plus-plus-plus,
plus-plus, plus-plus-plus-plus-plus. Plus! -People are
really excited, though. -Yeah.
-Really excited about Disney+. In fact, Disney+ is
The White House’s only plan to distract Trump from
the impeachment hearings. -Oh. -Yep, tomorrow on Capitol Hill, we’ll hear impeachment testimony
from U.S. diplomat Bill Taylor and State Department official
George Kent. Can we see them? They look like two high-school
teachers who say, “This bell doesn’t dismiss you. I dismiss you.” I like these guys,
mostly because if you blend them together, you get
Bill Nye, the Science Guy. -Yeah, come on. Come on. -But Republicans have
a memo that outlines their four strategies
to defend Trump. We actually got a copy. And it just says, “Pull the fire
alarm, then repeat three times.” Meanwhile, to counter what
people see on TV, I heard that Rudy Giuliani might
launch his own podcast that would provide analysis of
the impeachment hearings. The podcast
doesn’t have a name yet. Although, prosecutors are
already calling it “Exhibit A.” I can’t wait for Rudy’s podcast. It’ll be fun to hear him rant
against the Democrats, then take a
30-second break to read an ad for Casper mattresses. “Stamps.com.” I heard — Some tech news here. I heard that Instagram might
get rid of likes as soon as next week. -Ooh!
-Yeah, no more likes. In response,
people immediately stopped running marathons and
having babies. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ] Oh, and get this. Today, we got our first look
at the resigned Sonic the Hedgehog. -Oh! -Yeah, when the first trailer
for the movie came out, fans hated how unrealistic
Sonic looked, so they re-did the animation. Here’s the old Sonic on the left
and new one on the right. Check it out.
Fans are like, “Finally. Now, that’s a realistic blue,
talking hedgehog.” And, finally, I read that
weed may soon be legal in New Jersey. It’s pretty simple. You smoke weed in New Jersey, then you
actually “forget about it.” Alright, we have a great show.

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